Ask Miriam – October 2022
Dear Miriam,
My dad lives alone and is 92 years old. Believe it or not, he still drives although not very far. Just recently I went with him to the doctor’s office, and I was shocked when the doctor said that he has dementia and should no longer be driving. I realize now, looking back, that he has been getting really forgetful and sometimes seems to be confused when I talk to him on the phone. He is very stubborn though, and this has gotten worse since my mom died. There is a neighbor who checks in on him every day, so I know he is eating, and I pay his bills, but I am certain he is not going to give up driving without a fight. What do I do now?
—Son of Driver
Dear Son,
I’m so glad you reached out. Dementia is a progressive disease in which not just memory, but also cognitive skills, judgment, insight, and behavior can all be impacted. Over time, the symptoms will get worse. While some people in the earlier stages of the disease may still be able to drive, this can change quickly. Driving requires complex thinking including the ability to focus and concentrate, react appropriately, make sound decisions, and have good visual-spatial skills so that they can judge their speed, the cars around them, and where they are on the road.
There are signs to look for when trying to determine if it is time for your dad to stop driving. The first, of course, is the doctor’s recommendation. In addition, think about whether any of these have happened: unexplained dents and scratches on the car, taking a long time to come home from a short distance away, or noticing that he makes sudden lane changes, speeds up or slows down for no reason, or confuses the brake and the accelerator.
Sometimes a simple conversation is enough to convince a person to stop driving. However, to many people, driving represents independence and they may not be ready or willing to give it up. You may want to try choosing someone your dad respects to talk to him. Maybe a good friend or an attorney could do it. It may also help to point out that there are financial and legal repercussions if he has an accident. Another option is to encourage him to take a driving assessment through a hospital or with an occupational therapist, who can then provide feedback on his driving abilities.
In addition, it is important that you line up alternate ways for him to get around. Reassure him that you will set up Lyft/Uber rides, utilize senior transportation, or ensure that friends and relatives are available.
It may ultimately be necessary to remove the keys or disable or remove the car. This can be a difficult thing to do particularly if you know in advance that it will cause agitation. It’s important to get emotional support for yourself and know that you are doing the very best that you can to keep your dad, as well as the people around him, safe. It may help you to talk about it in a support group or with a good friend.
For more information on driving and dementia, watch our Caregiver Tips: Driving video, or call the Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Best,
Miriam
Questions for Miriam can be sent to askmiriam@alzla.org.