Ask Miriam – December 2020
Dear Miriam,
My grandfather has Alzheimer’s disease and lives in Michigan, while I live here in California with my partner. My grandparents raised my three sisters and me and we always fly home to be with them for the holidays. With the pandemic, I know that won’t be happening. My grandfather has always treasured our family get-togethers each year, even after he was diagnosed a couple years ago and especially since we all live in different places. I call my grandparents often but it’s getting harder to communicate with him. He doesn’t always seem to understand who I am, and sometimes I don’t know what to say to him. I wish I could see him. How can I make the holiday special for him and let him know how much we love him even though we can’t be there in person?
—Longing for Home
Dear Longing for Home,
I’m so sorry that the pandemic has impacted your family this way. I know the holidays are going to look very different for many of us than in past years, but there are still ways to stay connected to our loved ones with dementia.
Talk to your grandmother ahead of time about how she may be able to help. Does she have a computer or other technology (and comfort level) to use Zoom? If not, perhaps your grandmother can place a picture of you next to your grandfather during a telephone call so that he can see your face.
Whether on Zoom or on the phone, a good way to connect is to do an activity together while on the call. Some activities are more suited to doing together in parallel on Zoom, such as sending him a puzzle (appropriate to his abilities) and having a duplicate one for you work on. Other activities you can do in parallel include cutting out pictures from magazines or organizing a deck of cards (by color, by number, by suit, etc).
Listening music together, even over the phone, is another great option. Your grandfather may have favorite holiday tunes that you can sing together, or you can play songs for him to listen to. You can also reminisce – ask him about the first car he ever bought, or who is favorite teacher was, or his most enjoyable vacation. You can even play a modified Simon Says, tapping feet or clapping hands at the same time.
Remember that staying healthy and safe is the priority this year. Try to focus on the moments that you share with the people that you love – even though they may not be in-person – and know that your grandfather can still feel his connection with you.
For more support and ideas to help during the holiday season, please call our Helpline at 844-435-7259 or visit us on our website at www.alzheimersla.org. You can also write to Miriam with your questions or concerns at askmiriam@alzla.org.