Ask Miriam – June 2020
Dear Miriam,
I have been taking care of my wife, who has dementia, for the last five years. She used to go to an adult day care four days a week, but now, with the coronavirus, the center is closed, and she and I are home together all the time. I do all the meal preparation and housework and help her get dressed and bathed. I don’t know what else to do with her during the day. She just follows me around, and it’s getting frustrating. Do you have any suggestions?
—Loving But Irritable Husband
Dear Loving,
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job being a caregiver for your wife. I know things are extra stressful right now since everyone is staying home as much as possible to help reduce the spread of COVID-19. Keeping your wife healthy and safe is very important, but feeling a sense of engagement and purposefulness are essential, too. It’s time to add some activities into the day that your wife can do that will keep her engaged without adding to your frustrations.
First, think about some of the things that she is still able to do around the house. Remember that it doesn’t matter how well she completes the task; the idea is just to keep her busy. How about folding towels? You can even take some that are already folded, rumple them up and put them on the couch or bed and ask her to fold them. Then you can check on her every few minutes to provide encouragement. Putting on the radio or tv might make her feel like she has company while accomplishing this activity so that you can be in another part of the house. Other ideas might be organizing the silverware, sorting buttons, sweeping the floor, putting books into the bookshelf (that you have taken out), emptying the trash containers into a big bag, and so on.
Exercise is always helpful. Turn on her favorite music and ask her to dance around the room or sing the lyrics –people with dementia often remember the words to a song, even when many other things have been lost. Have her play a modified solitaire card game, such as putting all the red cards in one pile and the black cards in another. Dominoes is another idea. She can lay them out in any pattern that she likes. How about puzzles with just a few pieces? Art can be fun, too – try having her use pastels or colored pencils with coloring books that have simple pictures. Cutting out pictures is another activity. Again, you can check on her periodically, and switch activities if she gets restless.
You shouldn’t feel that you have to entertain her all day and you can repeat activities since the loss of her short-term memory means that she may not remember having done it recently. In addition, perhaps there are some television programs that she enjoys, as well as things that you two can do together, such as taking a walk (with appropriate social distancing from neighbors), looking at/talking about pictures (either photos or in a book), or reading aloud to her.
If you would like to talk further about how to keep your loved one occupied during the day, please don’t hesitate to contact our Helpline at 844-435-7259. And take a look at our COVID-19 Response page for more activity ideas.