Ask Miriam – February 2020
Dear Miriam,
I am caring for my husband with dementia and am at the end of my rope. I’m so stressed by having to take care of everything all by myself. He is unable to be left alone, needs help with bathing and dressing, gets up at night, and often gets agitated. I am responsible for all the finances, housework, laundry, yard care, doctors and medications, three meals a day, and much, much more. My two children do not live close by and I don’t want to burden them. They have their own lives. But I’m exhausted and I don’t see how I can get through another week, let alone the years to come. How do other people manage?
—Completely Worn Out
Dear Worn,
I’m so glad you wrote to me. Caregiving is the hardest job and is something that no one can do alone. It is absolutely critical that you take care of yourself, even though it may feel a little counter-intuitive if you see yourself only as his caregiver. If you are ill or burned out, you will not be able to care for another person. Keep in mind that your health and well-being matter very much.
Asking for assistance can consist of getting help with any aspect of your daily life. For example, have medications delivered from the pharmacy instead of going yourself, hire a cleaner (if you can afford to) to do the vacuuming and heavy house work, or contact Alzheimer’s Los Angeles at 844-435-7259 to arrange respite so that you can have some time to yourself.
Getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods as much as possible, and spending time outdoors will help you stay physically and mentally healthy. If you are not able to get a full night’s sleep, try to sleep (or at least rest) when the person you are caring for naps, rather than trying to get other things done during that time period. You can ask your physician for a consultation with a dietitian if you need help determining healthy foods; and being outdoors will make you feel refreshed each day.
Joining a support group can be a lifesaver. Talking to others who are going through a similar experience provides understanding, sharing commonalities, and benefiting from others’ ideas and tips in a warm, supportive environment.It can be useful to try more than one group in order to find one that feels comfortable for you. Call Alzheimer’s Los Angeles at 844-435-7259 for a list of groups in your area.