Ask Miriam – October 2019
Dear Miriam,
My mother has had dementia for five years. I live with her and am her primary caregiver. I have a sister who lives in NY and know she would like to help, but everything ends up falling on my shoulders. Doctors’ appointments, meals, medications, helping with bathing, the house, laundry, errands, shopping, and more. I am so tired, and I feel like no one appreciates me and all that I do. Any advice you could offer would be welcome!
—Stressed & Exhausted
Dear Stressed,
Most people have no idea how much energy it takes to be a caregiver and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. In addition to taking care of your mom, the most important thing you can do is remember to take care of yourself. No one person can be a caregiver without breaks and time off to recharge.
It may be that your sister would welcome a more concrete way she can assist and one option could be for her to help pay for an adult day program for your mother, even once or twice a week. While she is being safely cared for, you will have time for yourself – to go to a movie, read a book, have lunch with a friend, just relax and breathe, and hopefully feel a little less overwhelmed. (Other options if your sister can afford include hiring in-home care or a housekeeping service, which might lighten your load in a similar way.)
A support group is another great way to reduce stress – talking to and sharing experiences with other caregivers on a regular basis can help you feel less alone. Group members have an understanding and appreciation of all your efforts, and they are available in person and by phone throughout Los Angeles county and the Inland Empire.
For ideas on other ways to get caregiving assistance, call the Alzheimer’s LA Helpline at 844-435-7259.
Good Luck,
Miriam
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